What's To Cut?

...not much, actually, and that's what's weird.

I read the document from the censorship board yesterday. And all I can say is this: I don't understand the criteria. I really don't. I mean, I'm glad that the movie's going to be released, I'm glad there aren't any cuts where I thought there would be, but I just don't get it.

For starters, the movie's going to be rated 'U'. That's right. 'U'. 'Accepatable For All Ages'. That, already, is weird. And you'd think, with a 'U' rating, they'd snip a shit-load, right? Nope. Any Tom, Dick and Harry can happily bring their child in to watch my movie, whereupon the child will leave the cinema wondering what a dirty sanchez is and ask his or her parents, friends and family members for the rest of her life. They'll be able to hear the words 'shit' and 'tits' uttered repeatedly, they'll be privvy to the ways of piracy smuggling...

But they won't see any suggestive sexual poses on calendars.

That's what needs to be cut, apparently. Two shots where my character flips through a calendar of women (scantily clad but notnaked) in suggestive poses.

For my next film, I'm just gonna shoot whatever I want and see what happens. I may be able to make my gross-out exploitative horror movie yet...

A Ciplak-y Autumn

(Although the fact that the only two seasons in Malaysia are 'hot' and 'wet' makes that title a bit redundant...)

Got a call from GSC this morning. The good news? Ciplak has been passed by the censorship board with only two cuts! Noonch-ness indeed. All that needs to be done now is the aforementioned cuts, the tweaks to the animation, some color grading if possible and a couple of test runs.

But with all good news there is also the bad - Although the specific date is not confirmed, Ciplak will only be appearing at the international screens of GSC in August. Maybe even September.

Arse-nuggets. Looks like my plans to release a movie before my 26th birthday are no longer feasible. But on the bright side, the movie was finished way before my 26th, so that's cool beans.

Now comes the tricky part of trying to figure out how to work the promotions and media to my advantage, given the late release. There's already been press coverage of the movie, even a review. But there's still a couple of months before the movie is released. How to go about it... hmmmm... I shall need to put on my thinking cap and refer back to old advertising tricks.

Albeit cheap ones.

I guess it's also a good thing that Ciplak isn't being released slap-bang during the summer season spectaculars. Seriously, if you only had enough money to see one movie a month and it was a choice between Pirates of the Carribean 2/Superman Returns/Mission Impossible 3 and my shitty-ass RM$10,000 movie, which would you pick? Trying to choose between me and Johnny Depp/Brandon Routh/Tom Cruise ain't no choice at all, regardless your gender or sexual alliance.

So August it is. That should give me time to get all my other shit in gear.

Small Pimpin'

So a pimp came up to me the other day.

I was at Starbucks at Centerpoint, infuriated by the dodgy internet connection in the smoking area. In the end I decided had to give up on the cigarettes for an hour just to get my work finished because an hour of work had already taken up two and a half. As I was packing up, I noticed a dodgy looking Chinese guy, dressed in the manner of a DVD peddler, darting his eyes about, looking for... something.

He then locked eyes on me and, in the most lamest attempt to try and seem unsuspicious, said "hey boss" then proceeded to 'discreetly' show me some pictures on his phone. Of his ho's.

You got to give it to the guy. 21st century pimps need 21st century technology. This man no longer needed to bring the merchandise with him, he could show it to me in 3.2 megapixels.

So you'd think, with such tech-savvy entrepreneurialism, he'd have enough brains to figure out that no guy with his girlfriend would ever,ever consider discussing the price list and menu of his ho's. Especially not at 3pm on a Saturday.

Yes, my girlfriend was there with me. And as the dude walked away after I kindly hand gestured him to go away we both looked at each other with a perplexed look of "was that motherfucker for real?!"

Even if you and your girlfriend were into paid threesomes, would you do business at 3pm on a Saturday? In Starbucks?

I wonder if the guy gets any business at all...

Funeral Firsts

Everything was gearing up towards a really good day last Sunday.

I woke up some time before 12pm, got out of bed, took a shower, got dressed and kissed my mom on the cheek goodbye before leaving the house. It's very rare for you to find me giving my mom a peck on the cheek. It was her birthday party the night before and she seemed a happy bunny, thought I'd let her stay a happy bunny for the rest of Sunday.

After that I had a great time with my girlfriend, chilling out in the house in Taman Tun, watching DVD's and eating goreng pisang (there's a really cool place in Taman Tun that sells ten for a buck). I sent her back at around eleven and arrived in Taman Tun to get some work done for Monday.

That's when I got the call.

At around 10pm one of my cousin's found his sister dead in her office. The coroners would later tell us that she passed away sometime around 8pm, a heart attack triggered by her asthma. The guards had no idea she was in the office.

Now, I'm not very close with relatives, particularly so on my dad's side. We just never seemed to connect, too different from each other. Whenever there was a death on that side of the family I was always left feeling a bit sad but not too bugged by the whole thing. This one bugged me. It stayed with me more than any other of my relatives deaths. Why?

Because she worked in Corporate Communications.

I used to work in Corporate Communications. Then went to the creative side of advertising agencies. But regardless, whether your on the client or agency side, whether your a creative, a suit, whatever, the advertising and communications industry is one where you will, without fail, work your fucking ass off, morning, noon and night. Even on weekends.

My cousin was found in her office on a Sunday night. She was working late, like so many other suits and creatives and clients I've seen in this industry. She couldn't have been older than her mid-thirties, maybe forty at the very most. And she died. At work.

Alone.

I went over to her office when I heard about this to find a whole bunch of my relatives, some of her colleagues, my parents and a whole bunch of cops. I saw her body on the floor, behind her desk, as her brother tried his best to stop himself from bursting into tears.

The next day I went back to the village for the funeral. Usually I'd stand at the side and try to be as quiet as possible. Not this time.

This time I helped carry the body.

I'd never been this active at a funeral before. Never had to carry a body, help bury it, none of that. This was the first time I'd ever had a relative pass away that actually hit me in the chest, the first time I'd ever helped.

It was also the first time I almost cried.


Hope you're in a better place, Kak Zizah. Rest in peace.