There is wrongness in my brain.
The picture above is of my new journal that I bought at Kinokuniya. In it, written with the fountain pen I also bought at Kinokuniya, are the scribblings and notes of a terrible dream I had. A dream of which I shall describe to you soon.
Last night I couldn't sleep. Not a wink. My body was exhausted, I knew it needed rest, but the brain flat out refused - all night it kept thinking of random things to keep me awake. Nothing important, nothing of value, just absolute randomness, tick-tick-ticking away in my cranium. This non-stop brain activity was probably the result of some incredibly good home made coffee I had earlier I had at a friend's parents' house - a sneaky coffee concoction that sprung upon me hours later as I lay in bed, trying to sleep.
By 6am I still hadn't fallen asleep. The soothing sound of the Clerks X 2nd disc commentary did not help quieten down my brain and I spent an hour searching for emulators and roms for classic console games.
Finally, at around 7am, I managed to fall asleep...
...but not for long.
I was awoken by the Tamagotchi by phone at 10.30am for a brief conversation of lunch plans. I then told her the effects of her father's coffee and she laughed heartily. Then, back to sleep went I...
...into an odd and disturbing nightmare filled with friends, celebrities and creepy crawlies.
The dream started with me back as an advertising copywriter once again. I was doing my work at a hotel for some reason and using the business center to get my work done. At some point I bumped into Justin who was also, for some reason, working in advertising except his workload was insane and he couldn't cope. I gave him some advice and stepped out to a large field where I was to play a gig.
So far, not too trippy.
I got to the stage to discover that the rest of my bandmates weren't there. For some reason, I had Eddy's blues harps and Qahar appeared out of nowhere, looking at the blues harps with glee but before he had a chance to grab them and play a tune the rest of the band appeared.
The gig was being hosted by Navsta from Traxx FM. Az was playing the gig too. As the gig started, I realized I forgot what slot we were so I checked and discovered we were sixth - sixth slot for the Sixers, it seems.
It is then that I realized I was wearing a pair of women's open toe pumps.
Seeing that this would be inappropriate for the stage, I went over to my car to change my shoes to my usual ES skate shoes when a transvestite appeared who wanted to try the pumps on. I shooed him/her away and we got into a discussion of sociological gender issues. I then proceeded to get into the car to continue putting my shoes on.
That's when I accidentally released the hand brake.
The car was parked on a hill and I rolled down and managed to stop and park it in front of a small cart selling drinks and things. The vendor looked at me with disgust. That's when I realized I was now, for some reason, Eminem.
And I had no trousers on.
No trousers, no underpants, just a big tracksuit hoodie with the Eminem 'E' logo on the front and a pair of running shoes. And for some reason I was meant to be running a marathon back uphill to the hotel. I continued on, running up the hill, annoyed at the lack of trousers and my tackle dangling out in the air, swinging to and fro like a policeman's truncheon (or a limp herring, take your pick) and at times attempting to run the marathon whilst tucking it in between my legs which didn't help in the slightest.
Somehow, I managed to finish the marathon to find a number of female senior citizens waiting at the finish line for a glimpse of my googly-bits, so I rushed off to the back where I somehow transformed into a female 50's detective/scientist, complete with opening theme credits and music in 50's black and white animation.
That's when an aging Sylvester Stallone fell into my arms.
Stallone was carrying a poster of 'Rocky' with the words "I punched my way to the top" scribbled on it. I too had a poster which had the words "I pumped my way to the top" (I'm not sure what movie poster it was, but I think it might have been 'Rosemary's Baby').
As Stallone fell into my arms, I realized I was no longer in the hotel but on a small wooden fishing boat. The others on the boat were Stallone's Indonesian maid, the prawn-alien from 'District 9' and a gigantic maggot-like creature that was also an alien.
They both looked very annoyed.
It turned out Stallone had a brain eating baby maggot in his head. It was the future, and Stallone was part of a team that stopped evil alien life forms from taking over. The two aliens on the boat were made to help Stallone with his missions by force.
It turned out the gigantic maggot-like creature was psychic, so we asked it to show us what happened to Stallone. The camera zoomed into the maggot mouth to reveal that inside the maggot had, in fact, the head of an evil-looking owl who's penetrating gaze read people's thoughts.
And soon that wasn't the only camera move to appear in my dream (for those not in the know, my dreams are often very cinematic but never in colour).
We flashback to Stallone on his last mission, inspecting the water tunnels of a space station that had been under attack. Suddenly, from the walls, hundreds of slimy worm-like aliens from the movie 'Slither' started creeping their way down the walls of the water tunnel. Stallone tried to shoot them with his lazer gun but there was too many of them.
Cut to Stallone running down the tunnel as Hans Zimmer style music blasted through the speakers of my mind. More of the Slither worms came crawling down from the cracks, all of them intent on killing Sly Stallone. And, oh, by the way, the water in the tunnels have just been released. Stallone turns behind him as he runs to see a wall of water crashing down, coming straight towards him. Up ahead, a tiny duct but the Slither worms are all heading for it to stop Stallone at the pass. The water gets closer, Stallone starts shooting up ahead at the worms blocking his way, the water sweeps him up with a huge gush and he slides straight through into the duct barely missing the Slither worms!
Stallone, a lump on the ground, catches his breath when suddenly there's a little drop on his head. Then another. He turns up and sees that tiny little brain-eating baby maggots are above him on the ceiling and they start dropping rapidly on his head, a huge mass of disgusting, wriggling, gooey wormy bits all falling onto his skull...
...and I have a SEVERE phobia of worms.
With this final scene, I woke up very suddenly and incredibly fucking shocked out of my skull. It was 1.30pm in the afternoon and I was breathing heavily, my skin sensitive to every sensation, the thought of the wriggling bastards still in my head...
...and I wondered what the fuck was wrong with my psyche.
