Since Eddy's been posting demented children's stories, I thought I'd have a go for shits n' giggles.
In Floppily-Doppily-Woppily land
There once was a boy who looked up to a man
Who sat in a bin and would smile with a grin
As he merriedly sipped his St. Broderie's gin
"I like him because of the mess that he's in,"
Said the boy as he talked of the man in the bin,
"He's lost all his money, his wife and his kids
But he's always so merry, a-fondling his tits!"
For the man in the bin had gained weight, quite a bit
From drinking all day and the man would not shit
"For shit is the soul, and the soul must not leave,"
said the man as he licked off the gin on his sleeve,
"There is no event that is reason to grieve,
In that 9 to 5 life I decided to leave
And why should I grieve of the loss of my wife?
The bitch took my money, my kids and my life!
My comics, she took them, my trophies so bright
That I won as a boxer in my final fight
She took them away and ran off with my brother
Since before we were married they'd always been lovers!
But I did once catch them but I did not bother
To bring up the day when I saw my bro smothered
In My wife's own bossom as my labrador
Was mounting her hard as she lay on all fours."
The boy would go often to listen for more
Of these strange anecdotes that the man had in store
But he did not know that the man had a secret
He'd think of the boy, grab his penis, and beat it!
And as the boy's visits became much more frequent
The man kept on thinking, "I love him, I feel it!
But if I did tell him he'd run to the cops
And they'd send me to jail and my bottom will pop!"
The boy kept returning, the man would not stop
His fantasies of the boy rubbing his cock
But deep down the boy had a secret himself
He was not a real boy but a toy from the shelf
Of considerable value, and a man of much wealth
Paid for the dear toy and used Satanist stealth
To give it a soul by a fortified demon
(For argument's sake, the rich man's name was 'Steven')
And Steven said, "boy, you must grab all his semen,
And give it to me, only then we'll be even!
And you can go back as a toy on a shelf"
But the boy did not want to be his former self
"I like my new body, it is of good health
If I had a lisp, I would say, 'my butt smellthhh
of poo, but thathhh cool becauthh I am alive!'
So don't come down here with that ol' semen jive!
So Steven said, "My, by the heads of my wives!
I've never heard such insubordinate cries!
I'll turn you back into the toy you once were
If you don't get the semen, by theft or by lure!"
So the boy went and found the man covered in fur
Which he took from a lady of well-known demure
"I've got me a coat, that'll last me till winter!"
Said the man in the bin, "now I won't need to shiver!"
The boy said, "I know of a way you'll sure quiver"
And with that he knelt and undid the man's zipper
The man blessed his days and awaited his prize
As the semen spewed, hitting the poor toy-boy's eye
Then Steven appeared and his smile was so sly
The man said, "I'm sorry, it was my first time"
And Steven said, "you, who doth live in a bin!
Don't you recognize your own flesh and blood, man of sin?
The man took a sip of his watered down gin
And said, "you're my brother? How long has it been?
What news of my wife, my kids and my trophies?"
And Steven said, "your wife's a slave to God Loki!"
Perturbed and disturbed, the man gave him a poke-y
And said, "don't you mess with me, bro, you don't know me!"
And with that the man changed, his body did grow
His skin turned to brown, and his hair turned afro!
For he was no man turned to bum or hobo
The man was now bigger, and fitter, with flow
"Ey, yo, motherfucker, you fuckin' wit' me?"
He said in ebonics, "don't you know I'm a G?"
He took out his gat, and his 9-mil Uzi
And shot Steven down to the ground easily
So don't ever jack-off an old homeless man
In Floppily-Doppily-Woppily land
This came out MUCH more disturbed than I thought it would. There's something wrong with me...
