So last week I was browsing through a DVD store when I came across a find and a half - all five Rocky movies. I'd recently watched the new one, Rocky Balboa, which I thought was great. I've always felt the Rocky movies are the male chick-flick, so to speak - whilst nothing pulls a woman's heart strings more than a tale of two lovers trying to be together, whatever the adversity, nothing pulls a man's heart strings more than watching the underdog try and make something for himself and stand up for what he believes in (I will admit, with no shame, that when Rocky started training and that Bill Conti theme started playing, I shed a tear), which is pretty much what the Rocky movies are about.
Or so I thought.
When I was a kid, I couldn't appreciate Rocky I & II as much. Considering I was born in 1980, my introduction to Rocky was part III, when he not only fights Mr.T but also, in a charity fight, Hulk Hogan. Being a kid who watched the A-Team and Wrestlemania back when it was under the moniker of WWF, nothing was cooler than Rocky III. And Rocky IV? Come on... Drago! How cool is that for an eighties kid?!
But now, re-watching Rocky I&II, I finally realized how fucking good those movies are. I honestly don't think Stallone has been better as an actor or writer than in those two movies. Rocky's character is so well formed, a lovable oaf, a guy who ain't too bright but he's got that drive inside of him. And the core of Rocky I is that sweet little love story between him and Adrienne (did I spell that right?). Then there's his relationship with Adrienne's brother, Paulie. And of course, Burgess Meredith as the coach. Great character. Even his opponent, Apollo Creed, is given enough screen time and story to show his motivations. They're great movies. I cried at the end of both of them.
Hell, I don't think any other movie series has made me cry as much as Rocky. Just the look on his face at the end of Part I when all the press are trying to interview him and all he wants is Adrienne and he's crying out her name, the look on his face just made me lose it. Then, in Part II, when he finally wins and calls out for Adrienne on the TV, shouting out "I did it!"... goddamn if that ain't a male chick-flick bonanza. I ain't ashamed. It's Rocky. I'll cry as much as I goddamn want. If I started crying during 'Bridges of Madison County' you then have my permission to call me a little bitch.
So then I pop in Rocky III, the movie I remember from my childhood... and good God do things get different. I never thought of the Rocky movies as homoerotic in any way, but now... there's just this undercurrent, this really weird subtext running throughout the movie. It's so incredibly camp! I mentioned this to a gay friend of mine and he had this look in his eyes like, "you only just noticed?" You've got Hulk Hogan playing a guy named "Thunderlips", for Gods sake. Fucking THUNDERLIPS. And Mr. T wants Rocky a bit too much for his own good.
But no, that is not the most homoerotic moment in the movie. That is reserved for Rocky's relationship with Apollo Creed...
In slow-motion, they hug and clap in the sea, water spraying around them, a look of immense joy in their faces...
Yeah.
And don't even get me started on the ending where they have their plaful rematch before 'Eye of the Tiger' kicks in.
Speaking of which, why the flying fuck does Apollo Creed have to say "Come on Rocky! Eye of the tiger!" so many goddamn times!? It's fucking annoying!
Ok, so even if you forget all the homoeroticism, there's still the issue of the script. It's here where the character of Rocky starts changing. He's not as mumbly and bumbling as he was in the first two, and by Rocky IV? He's not even a semblance of the good ol' Rocky from the streets of Philadelphia.
I swear, Rocky IV's script is probably 35 pages long. 40 pages max. Ivan Drago comes to fight in America, Apollo fights him and dies, Rocky goes to Moscow to fight Ivan. That's it. Period. Full-stop. No side stories with the other characters, no sub-plots, that's all there is. So how is it filled up to a feature length? By having so many montages it makes your head spin, which is ironic when you consider a movie which is pretty much a Reagan era all-out Commie-bash against the Soviets uses the film techniques the Russians themselves pioneered.
And Paulie has a robot! A fucking robot! No one in their homes have robots like that NOW!
See, that's the weird thing about watching Rocky I to IV back to back. The change in tone between the first two and the next two is just so sudden and jarring. I still think Rocky III and IV are fun movies, but Rocky I and II are the good ones, and watching III or IV after either of those two is just a painful experience.
Incidentally, I didn't buy Rocky V because I remember the street brawl at the end, which I thought was a crap way to end a Rocky movie, but I also remember it having a good concept, and maybe after Rocky III and IV Rocky V may actually be good. Who knows...
