A note that Richard Manning (who wrote, amongst other TV shows, Star Trek: The Next Generation) supposedly got from the studio after they read one of his scripts. Turned out it wasn't true, but funny and close to home none the less for anyone who's job is doing something creative and the money-men get on your back.
"Wonderful. Fabulous. A few minor structural problems in Act Two. First act break could be stronger. Lose the night exteriors; too expensive. Love interest doesn't work; suggest de-emphasizing the character of Vorgon.
Page 12: please change the phrase "damn your bloody eyes" to "darn your bloodshot eyes."
Page 16: please change "thirty yelling, charging, heavily-armed Latvians" to "two non-speaking day players shaking their fists."
Page 25: please make it clear that the multiple throat-slashing scene at the nursery school should be done with restraint and with good taste.
Page 27: Romantic scene between Patsy and Biff works wonderfully, but due to scheduling constraints Biff will not be available for this episode; please substitute either Shirley, or Harry the Chimp.
Page 32: please delete all references to salami; our audience finds these offensive.
Page 34: This scene does not work at all. Suggest changing "but" in Ralph's third speech to "and."
Page 36: the exposition needs to be made clearer. It was not evident until the second reading that you intended for Jack's mother's dog's veterinarian's accountant's sister-in-law's half-cousin to be the actual identity of the shadowy figure who left the cheese ball in the floor safe in scene 3. This subplot needs to be developed in more detail.
General: flesh out the B-story about the amnesiac diplomat and the abandoned baby. Give the Pope funnier lines. Trim eight to ten pages. Swap acts two and three. Decrease the level of volence throughout, but add more action. Change the ending. Fix the middle. Eliminate the beginning. Can we have the new draft tomorrow morning?
I think this will be one of the best shows of the season."
Other notes received by writers (and these ones are actually true, which makes them funnier) can be found by clicking this link here.
