The Creatures of The Hub

There are many creatures at The Hub. After all, it is an old house, I have not always been there and there have been times when no humans have been here for years, so it is unsurprising that a variety of creatures have also called The Hub their home.

In previous posts you would have heard of the rat basterds who have now passed on to rat heaven (I would assume they'd only go to rat hell if they did things against their nature). But these aren't the only creatures that have been found in The Hub.

Most Malaysian houses have geckos. This is not uncommon. However, often times residents try to kill the geckos. I don't mind the geckos, as I'm sure they keep the insect population low. In fact, there's one gecko in particular who stands out from the others hear in The Hub.

His name is Gordon, and he's about nine inches long from head to tail.

I shit you not. I have not seen a household gecko that big. Perhaps the fact that I don't bother him has led him to grow in size, unhampered by the common dangers of living in a house where the rubber band gun is not applied to lizard-kind. The only issue I have with Gordon is that sometimes he can be very loud with his "ACK-ACK-ACK" sounds. But often times all I have to do is tell him to be quiet and he does so.

See, creatures like Gordon are not a problem. There is a mutual respect. We agreed that we could co-habitat together and that's what we do. No problem, no fuss.

The neighboring cats, on the other hand, are a different kettle of fish.

Now, before any of you cat lovers start, I love cats. LOVE 'em. In this very house that is now The Hub I owned three when I was a wee child and they were named Timothy I, Timothy II and Timothy III (this was, of course, before originality set in). A few years ago before this house became The Hub I took in a stray named Tommy who had huge furry balls. There are cats at my parents house. There have been cats in my life since before I was born and still in the womb.

But none of them were as rude as the neighbors cats.

The first one to be rude was the Giant Grey Furball. I was chillin' with the boys downstairs when I heard the Tamagotchi call out for me from above. There in the house by the window was the Furball, like a grey bowling ball that was sprayed with adhesive and thrown across a carpet showroom that reminded me of Martin Tenbones from the 'A Game of You' story arc in the Sandman comics.

  

Can't you see the resemblance?!

I wondered what the problem was. The Tamagotchi loved cats too. Then the fucker growled at us.

Before anyone starts, it did not hiss. I know what a cat hiss sounds like and this one didn't hiss. It fucking GROWLED, like a lion. I tried to approach it and it jumped off and headed downstairs. And no, it did not run like a nervous cat that was afraid of unfamiliar surroundings, no. It sauntered. It sauntered away, wiggling it's huge, grey ass with an assured pompous confidence that said, "fuck you, buddy, I'll leave when I frickin' feel like it." Finally, we managed to get the furball out the door before it tried to claim territory on my amplifiers.

Then there are the greedy hiss family that hangs out behind the kitchen comprising of one mother and a bunch of kittens. This group likes to hang out in the back garden, wait till I start cooking, then start meowing like crazy, trying to get in the house to eat. Ordinarily I would take these cats in as my own if it weren't for two things:-

1. They belong to one of the neighbors.
2. They are fucking rude.

The fact that they belong to one of the neighbors either means their owner isn't feeding them enough or they're simply greedy bastards. But it's the rudeness that bugs me the most. For some reason the mother has it in her head that being nice is not required when it comes to getting food from a complete stranger, so she instead hisses at me whenever I get close, even if it is to give food, then meows when I'm far away. Her children have now picked up the same habit. In the words of Bush Snr, this will not stand. This aggression will not stand.

Wait, was that quote from Bush or the Dude from the Big Lebowski?

The final cat that's been bugging me, however, takes the cake. He's a gorgeous cat, no question about it. Beautiful fur and eyes yet its masculinity is still there. Tamagotchi likes to call it a metrosexual cat. And ordinarily he would be welcome... if he was nice.

But no. He's not nice. Firstly, he's timid and doesn't want to become friends. That's fine by me, he belongs to someone else. But it doesn't stop there. He then lays fresh turds around my garden and driveway and pees everywhere. Including Tamagotchi's car.

That's the fucker right there. He was sat there for the longest time in a pose that can only be described as "this is my house, bitches" but the second I picked up the camera he walked away... and took a dump in my garden. Little bastard.

I have never encountered so many rude cats in one place before and it baffles me. Though it does not change my perception of cats it does upset me quite a bit to see these domesticated cats grow up to be so arrogant and pompous. Perhaps I should get my own cat to claim the house as its own. Perhaps indeed...