Last night I shot the first half of Liang's music video for 'Show Me Whatcha Got', a catchy little r n' b ditty that's been heating up the charts here in Malaysia, which was an interesting and, dare I say, educational experience to say the least.
You see, as opposed to doing my usual guerrila-filmmaking tactics, this time I had a small crew of industry professionals (I define 'industry professional' as anyone who's been paid to do this by actual companies) and it asserted what I had thought for quite some time.
I'm not that good a director.
Let me explain this a bit more thoroughly (especially since the client may be reading this): as some of you may know, I multi-task like a motherfucker. The first play I did, 'Much Ado', involved me writing the script, casting the parts, directing the actors, organizing the schedule, designing the poster, marketing the play, sorting out the health & safety issues, basically everything except the lighting (which, to this day, I still don't know much about). For my first short film, 'Nicotine', I shot most of the footage (with Ahmad helping to shoot my scenes), acted in it, wrote it, directed and edited the fucker. For 'Ciplak' it's the same thing, plus marketing it.
Now, there must be some valid reason why I continously try to be the human equivalent of Windows XP (and as we all know, like Windows, I've been known to crash every once in a while), and it is this: I'm not that good at directing others to get them to do what I need them to do to create the vision I have in my mind. Not to say I'm bad at it, I just don't feel as comfortable about it. When I see a director of photography's negative reaction when I explain a shot it bugs me to no end, opens up too many questions in my head (and the D.O.P. we had is quite the opinionated person, although no offence to the dude 'cos he does do his job well).
I'm not sure whether it's because I don't explain everything thoroughly on my part or whether the people I work with can't see or dig what I'm trying to do, but it bugs me nonetheless.
However, here's the flip-side: whenever I've finished a project and people see what the final product looks like, 90% of the time their perceptions change, and I notice it. After they see what exactly it is they've been working on and notice that it's not as bad as they thought it would turn out to be, it's usually easier for me to work with them from then on.
But, with the exception of my co-director and producer Tony, the rest of the crew had never worked with me before (as a director. I've acted with this crew before and Tony in the director's chair, but this was different).
And, whilst I've got some decent footage and I know that I can cut a decent video, the strain of directing last night almost killed me. Why? Because I can't help but notice people's body language, and the general feeling from the crew (and possibly some of the cast) was that "this guy hasn't a clue what he's doing".
The thing is, as pompous as it may sound, I do know what I'm doing. It's trying to convince others that I find difficult. And I'm not that good at taking certain types of criticism.
(Certain types? Now what's he on about? I thought he couldn't take anytype of criticism?)
Allow me to explain further: that time when the feminist told me she hated 'Some Like It White'? I honestly couldn't give a fuck. Why? Because that type of criticism doesn't sting. If I offend someone with what I've done I don't really mind, it's your own damn opinion. But if the criticism is directed to my writing craft, plot structure, angles, technicalities, characterization, then it takes effect on me, but even then, constructive criticism doesn't sting that much.
But that look, that 'God, what an amateur' look, that stings.
Truth be told, I am not a professional filmmaker by any means (at least, not yet). Not by any classic definition, nor by my own. But I doknow how to squeeze blood out of a stone.
See, I've noticed one thing about how I work. Whether it's good or bad, I don't know, but it works. And to explain it would need a bit of backstory.
When I was younger and started getting into hip-hop, I began to notice how producers and DJ's took something old, a hook or a beat or what have you, and turned it into something new. And that idea of taking something that already exists and moulding it into something that suits what you're trying to achieve was a concept that stuck in my head for quite a while.
And it's a concept I apply to my music production and filmmaking. I'm not the type of guy that will re-shoot a scene 200 times until I've got it exactly how I want it to look, nor am I the type of guy that will force someone to redo their solo repeatedly until everything's perfect. I prefer to take what I've got and crafting it into something better than it was originally in post. Certain songs on the upcoming Y2k album would have been canned if I didn't try to flip it around and I'm doing the same with Ciplak, recrafting and remoulding the story by editing the footage in a way that best tells the story. And I'll do the same with this music video.
I just hope, one day down the line, I won't have to worry about the lookfrom the people I work with. To have to prove to your crew that you can do what you intend to do is too much of a chore when you've got a hundred other things on your mind.
(Oh, and Liang, if you're reading this, don't worry: your video will come out looking kick-ass, I assure you.)
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