Shrieking Women & Winking Men

One of the funnier sides of advertising which I haven't partaken to enough to get used to the absurdity of it all is the casting process.

The production company assigned for the TV commercial (otherwise known as TVC's by those in the industry who can't be fucked to use too many syllables) contacts a talent agency for possible models/actors/actresses that may be right for the parts we need in the TVC. They call up all those in their catalogue that might fit the bill. Emphasis on might because some times we're stumped as to how some of their selections got picked as potentials.

But that's not the funny bit. No, the funny bit is the casting videos.

After they've made their selections, they send us a video tape. On the tape are the potential talents. They tell us a bit about themselves, give us a profile shot, and then they begin to act.

Now, with TVC's the main thing the talents are tested on are the key scenes and expressions. Sometimes they're also asked to act a range of emotions to show their 'scope'.

Hehehe.

A month or two ago we were treated to a video of various men between the ages of 21-25, and you have seen nothing until you've watched video after video of various people doing their renditions of 'happy', 'sad', 'angry' and 'scared'. If it wasn't unethical I'd upload it for a laugh. Then came the kicker. The part required the character to smile and wink at the camera.

Imagine watching endless videos of men smiling and winking at you, non-stop, in many varied ways. And they're doing it very badly.

Today was a bit more of a treat: a video tape full of female models. Yum.

First their headshots as they said a little bit about themselves. Then their profiles. Then the full body shot, and almost all of them were dressed to show of their lovely abs and accentuate all their... bouncy, bumpy bits... ahem.

But the acting was the real treat: woman after woman, hands in the air as if hanging off a ledge, screaming their asses off as if they were going to die.

I felt like I was watching a snuff film.

There were screamers, squealers, whiners, yellers, all of them calling out for God to save them from whatever imagined ordeal they were in. I could sell this footage on the net and somebody out there would definitely pay the money to whack off to screaming women.

The weirdest thing about it though is that it's completely impersonal. Here were a bunch of ladies between the ages of 20-27 trying to make a career looking beautiful only to be judged by a room full of men and women making comments about them as if they were pieces of meat.

AD PERSON 1: That one's too skinny.

AD PERSON 2: What about her?

AD PERSON 1: She's got no ass.

AD PERSON 3: Is that supposed to be screaming?

AD PERSON 4: Shit. Gap tooth.

AD PERSON 2: We could put a cap on.

AD PERSON 1: Fuck it. Next.

Tape forwarded to the next girl.

AD PERSON 1: Whoah...!

AD PERSON 3: That's quite impressive.

AD PERSON 2: She looks too Chinese.

AD PERSON 3: So?

AD PERSON 2: They want someone more Pan-Asian.

AD PERSON 1: Pan-Asian my ass! Did you see that rack?

AD PERSON 4: She must be chilly.

AD PERSON 1: Thank you, Lord, for thou art merciful.

AD PERSON 2: She can scream pretty well.

AD PERSON 1: Oh, I'll make her scream. I'll make her squeal like two pigs on a honeymoon.

Boardroom goes deadly quiet.

AD PERSON 1: I have issues.

Advertising. One of the few jobs where you have to treat objects like women.

...

...wait. That's not right.