Ten Minutes

I look at the clock on my computer feeling like my brain's been running a marathon and I notice it's 5.06pm. How time flies when you actually have work to do as opposed to sitting in front of a shitty mac trying to discretely download pornographic images of a haemaphroditic Mickey Mouse.

Above me, on this shitty little pink (pink, for fuck sake) iMac, Jimi Hendrix is forever frozen in time burning a hand painted white strat at the Monterey Pop Festival, shadowed by a Marshall stack.

On the right of the iMac, spider Jerusalem hides in the shadows, his face a permanent rant and his arm outstretched in my direction, as if about to strangle me. He is shadowed by a very large bottle of mineral water filled with non-mineral water.

On the left of the iMac is the St Michael Oxford Dictionary, a large paper cup of Coffee Bean cafe latte, books on France and a copy of FHM with Alyssa Milano on the cover which I can assure you is not mine. Underneath the dictionary lie a stack of job briefs written in the most broken, grammatically incorrect English in the world.

Behind the iMac is a partition wall that is being held by a single screw to my far right. Just-one-screw. On the flimsy partition is a sign: "Lean here for a free cookie".

Behind me lies the Pillar of Khai. I called it that because it's the closest thing to an empty wall I have. Plastered on the Pillar of Khai are numerous pages ripped out from magazines of Whithnail & I, Kurt Cobain, Jenna Jameson, Jimi Hendrix, Velvet Revolver, Marilyn Manson, Jim Morrison, the Ramones, a flyer for the Rock City Morgue in Sydney, Lance Mountain, Gwen Stefani, a cartoon character with STD's, a Guinness calendar and a sticker with the immortal words "Itchy Clitoris?"

Underneath my desk to the left of my feet are numerous Betacam and DigiBeta tapes in a box that I 'liberated' from the old office after everyone had evacuated and some colleagues and I decided to go on a scavenger hunt.

Above me are panels leading to the numerous cables and pipes in the roof. The panels are covered with dirt-black fingerprints.

The time is now 5:16pm, and I've only killed ten minutes.