Welcome to the Industry

I went for a film related meeting the other day and was introduced to someone in The Industry. She spoke at great length about how she could get the hook-up on any sponsor we needed for a film, full of confidence to the point of pomposity and not a trace of sincerity in her voice. After 3 minutes of listening to this woman speak I quietly SMS-ed my colleague at the table:

"Why am i getting the impression this woman talks a lot of cock?"

That's what it sounded like - cock. Tons of it. My ears were in an auditory sausage fest being slapped about by pre-cum glistening floppy phaluses. She rambled on and on with such superiority, every sentence somehow ending with a less than obvious hint of how incredible she was at her job. Not a trace of humility nor honesty. In the words of a Star Wars character about to step into the unknown, I had a bad feeling about this.

Welcome to The Industry.

A while back I went to a private event for some people in The Industry where I met one of the Big Wigs. I asked him how business was. He told me that after the failure of their slightly more 'intelligent' releases (and by 'intelligent', I mean by his standards) and bigger budget productions he was told by Big Wigs bigger than him that he is not to accept any pitches that were interesting, intelligent, original or different. They were to stick with slapstick comedies because that's what (they believe) the public wants and that's what (they believe) will help them recuperate their losses. Apparently going back to these 'intelligent' releases and figuring out what was wrong with them in order to make them work is not an option.

When he spoke of indie films, he already had in his mind a perceived notion of what an indie film looked like (beautifully composed shots of silence between two underacting individuals) and what kind of plot an indie film has (any plot that the public wouldn't understand that may or may not deal with something political, racial or sexual). He spoke about how they were the ones that were raking in the box office but regardless, he wouldn't invest in one. After that another Big Wig friend complained about the lack of women at the event and asked him to call some of those young and desperate female extras to come over to 'spice things up'.

Welcome to The Industry.

Two years ago I went to a film premiere in the hope of broadening my contact base in The Industry. The producer said a few words before the film rolled and compared it to a known American director in the genre they claimed they were filming in. After the first reel I was seething. By the second reel I was desperately trying not to fall asleep considering the director's wife was sat next to me but to no avail - it was the first time I ever fell asleep in a cinema. The horror I was watching on screen was so abysmal and terrifyingly crap that my brain refused to take in any more of it.

When I went out for a cigarette after the screening with an actor friend of mine from The Industry, we were joined by another from The Industry that my actor friend knew. I listened to them talk about the movie, wondering what they would say about it. Their eyes said what I was feeling all along - "this movie is beyond shit and showing it to the public should be punishable by death".

Instead, they talked about how local audiences, in particular 'regular folk', would like it. And the saddest part was they weren't wrong - the movie made decent bank in the box office.

Welcome to The Industry.

This is The Industry where I've been making my living for the past year. I have seen wave after wave of terrible actresses who get bigger and bigger roles based solely on their perceived beauty. I have seen countless producers who claim to know their shit when in reality they couldn't connect two Lego bricks together without an instruction booklet, a video tutorial and someone next to them telling them exactly how to do it in single syllable words. I have shot page after page of scripts so disturbingly terrible one wonders what kind of retarded monkey boy signed off the check to pay these hacks. I have pitched my ass off and later discover that apparently I'm too young to be a director. I have had my scripts either rejected for being too intelligent or rewritten to the point that I wonder if it's even ethical to have my name on the cover and where the fuck is the local screenwriters guild to protect me during instances like this in the first place. I have had my award winning feature film referred to as a 'short film' more times than I'd care to remember because apparently if it's not shot on film it's not a feature regardless of how long it is. I have seen fights escalate on set to the point of blood spilled and I have worked with some of the most irresponsible jackasses in the world.
I have seen all this and plenty more and I welcome it with open arms.

I can't imagine doing anything else. I'm making flicks and shooting shows and writing scripts and playing psychos on screen. Do I seriously want to go back to nine-to-five, shirt-and-tie, memos, faxes and pointless abbreviations?

The crap gets to me, it really does, but fuck it. I welcome it, arms wide as a whores thighs at port during shore leave.

And do you know why?

Because I'm keeping all these experiences and I'm remembering every single one. And one day I'm gonna make a film about all this so don't get on my ass if the mirror shines a little too bright because, like they say, "siapa makan cili dialah rasa pedas" ("whoever eats the chilli tastes the spice").

Keep on acting like jackasses, bitches. You'll get yours one day, and I'll get mine.