Almost Time...

...and I'm more than a little nervous, worried, anxious and concerned.

The schedule hasn't been completely finalized. Rehearsals haven't begun. Not all locations confirmed. And worst of all...

No camera yet.

I've decided to push the first day of shooting to 2nd July and see how things go from there. Haven't had a chance to go through all this stuff with my producer yet, but yes. I'm not confident enough that everything's prepared.

I also wouldn't mind, once getting the camera, to test it out by shooting a short film to include in the KSFM thing, if anything to see how the damn camera ticks.

If we get an effing camera.

Thing is, that's not the main thing that's worrying me. My biggest fear in all this is, quite simply, can I pull this off?

I think the fact that I have no confirmed third parties is effecting me somewhat. By third parties, I mean people I owe to get this movie done, either monetarily or by some of promise. If, let's say, Sony we're sponsoring the camera, in my mind I'd be telling myself, "I have to make this movie or Sony's going to kill me". Or maybe a cinema's booked at a certain date from now and money's been put down.

But then that get's me thinking: wasn't I making this movie for myself? Wasn't that the whole idea? Do I need to convince myself that I'm making this for someone due to some promise and to go back on it would mean I could get sued or lose a friend? That's kinda stupid, now that I think about it.

But the fact that there's so much pre-production planning going on gets me more and more worried. There's a lot of stuff to get prepared for me to shoot this movie, and I don't want to go into the production and screwing up royally.

And I've been having more and more worries about the script. The story I'm telling in this movie is very personal, but what if that's clouded my judgement so much that I can't tell whether it's any good? It's like working on a document you've proof-read five times before, and by the sixth time it's all just black letters on white paper.

Maybe it needs to be a bit more spontaneous. I need to get back into the mindset of 'just shoot the fucker' again. I want this movie to be as good as I can make it, just get it done and rejoice in the fact that I made a movie.

It's just the whole 'depending on others' thing that's freaking me out. I'm dependent on my cast and crew to make this movie because it's the biggest thing I'll ever shoot so far.

Don't tell the cast, but I'm scared.

...

...shit. Some of the cast and crew read this blog, don't they?