Produce! Produce, I Say! Produce the Seed of My Creative Loins!

Met up with Ariff Akhir (my producer) today, and am pleased to say I won't be calling him Fucker Bin Fucker anymore thanks to his active participation, good ideas and overall niceness.

Of course, when I feel like it, I'll call him Fucker bin Fucker anyway. 'Cos I'm a cunt.

Something that may be on your minds (or not 'cos I know quite a few of you skip these moviemaking entries) is the question: 'What does the producer do?' After reading the two books I passed Ariff (From Script to Screen by Linda Seger and Make Your Own Damn Movie by Loyd Kaufman) he came up with the following verdict:

"The producer is the director's conscience. He also represents the audience," said Ariff. I couldn't agree more.

Of course, this is a nice, short way of saying what a producer does. We then went on to the nitty gritty and discussed scheduling, cast, props, budget, locations, make-up, distribution, marketing, the whole shebang. And we still don't have concrete answers yet. I'm gonna have to sit down with the dude and discuss this a whole lot further.
One of the topics of discussion was the production company name. I originally wanted to use 'Checkered Red Productions' because (a) I have a thing for the colour red and (b) I have a major thing for chicks in checkered red skirts. Something about checkered red skirts just gets my libido going in ways one could never describe. Checkered red skirt and knee length socks and a white blouse tied up and pig tails. Sucking a lollipop. Mmmm...

See what happens when you send your son to an all boys school during puberty and don't expose him to high school girls in uniform?

But the issue is this: the production company that's been putting out the creative endeavours of Doghouse 73 pictures (a collective of some of the most well known independent filmmakers in this country such as Amir Muhammad and James Lee) is called 'Red Communications'.

Red Communications. Checkered Red Productions. Bit of a similarity there. I want the colour red. I like red. Checkered red. Skirts. Tied up blouse and a belly button ring. Drooolll...

Ahem...! So yeah. We decided we'd try and come up with a few other names, although I can't think of any at the moment.

Hmmm... think, dammit, think...

Lollipop Productions - Bit too feminine.

Suck My Pop Productions - Hehe... 'Pop'... sounds like...

Jailbait Productions - Ok... Must... Shut... Libido... Up...

Barely Legal Productions - Aaargh! I can't help it!

Cock Tease Productions - Really going overboard here...

Lolita Productions - It seems that in my quest to try and find a name for a production company I've inadvertedly come up with numerous names for a porno company.

I now can't get out of this train of thought. Must try...

Kleptomaniac Productions - Because I have a strong feeling that anything we can't afford for the production we're gonna end up stealing.

Selamba Productions - To the foreign it sounds exotic, but if you know Malay you'd know it's anything but.

After Hours Productions - Because that's when the script was written.

Salsa Productions - A Y2k in-joke.

I Haven't A Fucking Clue What To Call Us Productions - Because I don't.