Kids Say The Darndest Things

So I was at the Guitar Store getting Sheila (my Telecaster bought in Sydney) and Danni (my Danelectro) serviced for the Rollin' Sixers recording sessions, when I overheard some people discussing music.

They were within the 18 to 21 range, either in college or just out, with rock star dreams in their eyes. The one leading the conversation spoke with the cockiness and self assurance of any kid in their late teens/early twenties out to impress his peers. In this case, the subject matter was of music.

I sat at the sofa, waiting for my guitar, unable to help myself from overhearing. For the most part, the kid was talking out of his ass, explaining the 'truth' about record labels and music trends based on sociological and political influences, citing the history of music, describing the ins and outs of how bands were signed back in the seventies compared to now, etcetera et-frickin'-cetera.

In short, I felt like Woody Allen at the movie queue in 'Annie Hall'.





The thing is, the conversation these kids were having was amusing me. Sure, I felt old for feeling it, but it was funny listening to this kid wax lyrical as if he knew what he was talking about. It didn't bother me that much.

That is, until he started preaching about how great Lady Gaga is.

Yes, that's right. Lady-Fucking-Gaga. The ugly skank who'd very much like to ride your disco stick.

The kid started talking about how Lady Gaga was one of the greatest musicians working in pop music today. He started saying how much he hopes Lady Gaga doesn't sell out and become too pop. He started saying how hot she was.

I started clenching my hand into a fist.

Then the other kids joined in to also confess their adoration and admiration of the great musical genius that is Lady Gaga. "Lady Gaga is fuckin' rock n' roll!" said one and they all high-five'd each other in agreement.

Believe me, it took every ounce of strength within me to not drop some science on these fuckin' gromlets and school their skinny asses. Either that or club them like baby seals, skin them and sell the pelt to other sick individuals.

I couldn't believe my ears as they continued going gaga over Gaga. This is what these kids love? This is what they think rock n' roll is? The ring leader had just been going on about how Michael Jackson was an innovator and now he's talking about Lady Gaga with the same amount of fucking admiration? What the fuck has happened with this world? Was crack legalized in schools at some point and I heard nothing about it?

I couldn't take any more. If I stuck around any longer I probably would have shoved a P Bass into each of their asses. I quickly grabbed one of the Fender Highway One Strats and went straight into the testing room as the leader explained the Jewishness of Gene Simmons and how it has helped Kiss become rich and successful.

And the clincher? When my guitar was done they were just leaving, but not before the leader played back some of the music his band had been recording for the other gromlets to listen to and played it back on the speakers of his phone.

And after listening to a few riffs I concluded that the future of music is well and truly going down the drain for inglorious rat basterds to swim in whilst chewing on putrid ball sack remnants.