Guber Got Tweaked

The photo above was taken moments after I'd tweaked my ankle skating outside my university (he incident didn't break the board, though. That was courtesy of Andreas). It's one of those things to be expected with skating. After all, the entire activity consists of attempting to defy gravity for a series of moments on a plank of wood with wheels on it.

Ankle tweaks happen a lot, and they used to piss me off something chronic. I remember back in the days when I first got back to Malaysia for good in 2001, I used to go skate at the indoor park in Mid Valley (now turned into a factory outlet store for sporting goods) almost every day. I'd pop in at around eleven or twelve, skate for an hour or so, go off for lunch, maybe grab a book or magazine at MPH, go back to the park and skate so more and go home before traffic started building up.

Of course, I was shit as shit can be. Whilst everyone else was skating the walls and kickfliping to their hearts content, I was still on the very basic of basics, hence the reason why I would go in the day time on weekdays - all the good skaters were either at school or at work.

As time progressed, though, I got a bit better. I used to have this line set out in the park, which would end with me going up slight bank and popping an ollie. Like any trick, first thing that needs to be done is to overcome the fear of falling on your ass and looking like a gimp. First I'd ollie a wee bit. Then a bit more. Then I'd pick up speed and see how high I could pop the thing. As the days went by I got better and better, to the point where I was ollie-ing over two cones.

Now, to most other skaters this was fucking childs play, but not for me. I was hella-chuffed that I could ollie this, and kept practicing it, getting better and better, and as I got better I obviously got a lot more confident. Every ollie I popped was an increase in confidence on that old Powell board of mine and I couldn't be happier. I was getting somewhere in this gravity defying game...

...and then I landed wrongly and tweaked my ankle something chronic.

Tweaked? Fuck that, the thing was sprained and swollen. After resting a bit I went back on my board anyway, just to make sure I wasn't too freaked out by the incident, but once I got home and rested the thing blew up to extreme proportions and left me hobbling for a few days.

Once the ankle got better, I figured I'd go back and skate again. It's like what they say with horse riding - if you fall, the first thing you do once you get better is get back on the horse again. So I got back on my board and pushed around for a bit around the park, and tried my old line again.

And I couldn't ollie.

I knew I could do the thing, I'd done a dozen times before the incident, and yet this time I couldn't, because as much as I knew how to do it and knew that I could do it, I also knew how painful that fall was, and I didn't want it to happen again. The whole reason why people manage to pull all the tricks they do on skateboards is not pure skill. Skill can be taught, but being fearless, knowing that there's that chance that you could break something but not giving a flying fuck whether you do or not, you're gonna try it anyway, that's how pro-skaters become pro's. That's how Tony Hawk managed to pull the 900, that's how Danny Way pulled those massive fucking airs and that's how Bam Margera pulls of the stupid shit he does on his TV shows and Jackass. That insane courage and confidence.

I find this whole story apt with how things are going with my life right now. I remember how I approached my work, my passions, everything that I did for the past couple of years: with an insane, don't-give-two-fucks-and-a-biscuit courage and confidence, knowing that I could in all likelihood fuck everything up, knowing that there would be people out there who didn't like my work, knowing that everything could blow up in my face, and yet still steam-roll through like an insane juggernaut, sticking a middle finger in the air at every negativity.

And then I got tweaked. When the shit hit the fan with EffWhyEye it was the biggest emotional tweak I had ever experienced, worse than when I went through the Bad Times after my first job, worse than any break-up or life-shattering piece of news I'd experienced before that moment when life decided to go, "hey, you've had a good run, someone should throw you a curveball, you lucky sonuvabitch!"

I got tweaked, and I've been trying to get back on the skateboard ever since, but it's hard as all hell. The past week has been the worst, and I thought things were just going to keep going downhill after that.

Then, last night, I went out to meet two friends and working partners I hadn't spoken to since the incident and, apart from the immense fun I had chatting with these friends I hadn't seen in four months, I realized something - when the shit hits the fan the way it hit during the tweak, you really find out who your friends are and what kind of reputation you have amongst your peers. I never cared much for rep before, but knowing it ain't too tainted put a smile on my face.

That, and watching Mallrats with the commentary on right after. I swear, that DVD is like taking happy pills.